Crying Wolf (Spider)

My family likes to harass me about a time when I woke up convinced that I was being attacked by a hundreds of ants. In my defense, I woke up because I was bit by one very large ant. And in my disoriented stage, I may have yelled for help.

I had been in a nearby swamp all day, catching snapping turtles, snakes, and other swamp dwelling critters, and I must have unknowingly brought a swamp ant home with me. I can only assume that some company had been illegally dumping toxic waste in the swamp for decades, resulting in mammoth, stealthy ants, that wanted nothing more than to hitch a ride on an unsuspecting host, all the while leaving a trail of pheromones for the colony to follow so they could lay in wait for the perfect opportunity to attack. Seriously, we measured the ant, and it was almost 2 inches in length.

Today, I was reading an article about a study recently published in the Journal of Anxiety Disorders which found that the more frightened someone is of spiders, the larger that person perceives the spider to be.

In the study, as part of fear abatement treatment, researchers at Ohio State University had 57 arachnophobes guide the spiders around the glass tank using a probe, after which exercises they would complete a questionnaire rating their anxiety during the interaction. Participants were also asked to estimate the size of the spiders by drawing a line on a card representing the length of the spider. Researchers found that the more severe the phobic, the large the line was, with some folks estimating the size of the spiders to be nearly three times their actual size. Click here to view article.

It made me think of the giant ant that bit me. It also made me think of a giant spider that was living in the corner of my kitchen for a while, mainly because I was too afraid to do anything about it. I couldn’t try to kill or trap it for fear of retribution from the spider. After all, I am fairly certain they are generally awake when I'm sleeping.

This spider is literally the size of my hand. However, I knew that no one would believe me. While it is well documented that phobias reflect distorted thinking, leading to fear-based and often irrational responses, this didn't relate to me, or this sitation. I wouldn't say that I have a text book phobia of spiders. Of lice, yes, but my issues with spiders and other things that want to bite me is probably more borderline.

The more I saw the giant spider in my kitchen, and the more I began to investigate the situation, the more frightened I became. Thanks to my obsessions with Discovery and Animal Planet, I could deduce form the absence of webs, that this spider was an ambush predator, meaning it would be crazy fast, and also venemous (as if the fact that it looked like a tarantual, including hairy legs and large fangs, wasnt enough to tip me off).

I did eventually tell my friends and family about the spider living in my kitchen, but still, no one believed just how large it was until boyfriend saw it. He didn’t want to mess with it either, but to his credit, and being somewhat prodded along by my refusal to stop screaming or to get off of the kitchen counter, he tried to trap it in a Tupperware container, with hopes of releasing it into the wild. 

The spider escaped, and I have no idea where it went. Believing that spiders are vengeful little creatures, I sincerely hope that both it, and its millions of offspring, knows that we didn’t mean it any harm.

After some research, we believe it to be a Rabid Wolf Spider.

Who, me? I would never bite you! Now just go to sleep...

Photo by T.Shahan

Quit Smoking Puppy - a lesson on tobacco and comma usage

Within the last year, three water-related things have happened, which have absolutely convinced me that I MUST get a dog in the very near future:

• I live by a lake
• Last summer, I became a sailor (as in I went sailing for the first, and subsequently 13 times
• By happenstance, I wandered into a dock dog competition

I have taken these three items to be a clear indicator that I MUST in the very near future get a puppy, and teach it to be a dock dog. After all, I live by a lake, puppy will have lots of opportunities to chill out on the sailboat, further reaffirming his love for water and strong desire to be a champion dock dog.

Beyond this, I think that my boyfriend and I should be get puppies so they can be dock dogs together. Perhaps they will push each other to excel. Plus, I figure that if boyfriend is going to be accompanying me to all of the dock dog events, he'll get bored or jealous or some angsty combination and eventually think, "If I am spending all of this time watching her train dogs, and win competitions, I might as well be training and winning competitions with my own dog!" But, the problem will be that he wont have a dog. So, the obvious solution is that we both get a puppies.

You may be thinking, "what does this have to do with smoking or commas?" Nothing yet, but at the same time, a little bit of everything...

My boyfriend has been struggling with quitting smoking for several years, and has just about exhausted every known option with no success. He mentioned to me that he really wants to quit prior to turning 29 for the second time. With only 10 months to go before doomsday, I may have mentioned that he should really start the quitting process now in hopes of achieving and maintaining his goal.

He has committed to taking step one in making an appointment with his doctor for next week. I know that he wants to quit, but at the same time, he is very sad about the quitting. Whether it is a loss of identity or fear of failure or a dozen other possibilities, I want him to be healthy, but I don't want him to be sad, so.... (dunt dunt dun!)

Solution - get a puppy now!!! Puppies are so loving and adorable, making it virtually impossible to own a puppy and be sad at the same time.

Plus, every smoking guide says that you need to replace your smoking habit with another habit.

• Feeling sad? Don't smoke, snuggle puppy.
• Have time to kill? Don't smoke, walk puppy.
• Feeling fidgety? Don't smoke, train puppy.
• Orally dissatisfied? Don't smoke, watch puppy chew things.

I cannot fully express without using a high pitched voice and doing my a little excited dance, giggles and all,  (which is exactly what he had to endure) how pleased I was/am with myself for formulating this idea. Best idea ever! Two birds, one stone. Pure happiness to follow. Boyfriend, not so convinced...

Me: What kind of puppy do you want?
Boyfriend: I don't want a puppy.
Me: What are you going to name him?
Boyfriend: No name. I don't want a puppy.
Me: I thought you wanted a puppy?
Boyfriend: I want you to have a puppy.

Then, the idea gets even better...

Ok. We'll go pick him up on Saturday. And, we'll name him Quit Smoking Puppy. Every time you talk to him it will reaffirm your commitment to stop smoking - for literally the next 15 years. Plus, think of how fun it will be to yell, "Quit Smoking Puppy," when you are at the park. People everywhere will look and say things like, "What? Why are you letting your puppy smoke? What's happening?" And we can say it is Quit Smoking Puppy, not Quit Smoking *comma* Puppy. Silly people at the park...

Greetings!

This is my first blog of a personal persuasion. I have blogged for work, managed Facebook, LinkedIn and other social media mediums for clients and businesses, but never had I seriously taken to writing about my life (or at least not in an online fashion).

I feel it is only appropriate to use this first blog to set the tone for all future blogs - I am super awesome, my life is extremely exciting, and I am pretty much the center of the universe. (If you haven't started to feel inferior and envious by now, allow me to help, ahem, *cue*).

JUST KIDDING!

I can't promise you that every blog will be amazing, nor can I, in good faith, tell you that every day of my life is filled only with gumdrops and sunshine. But, I can assure you that I have no intentions of turning this into "one of those" online diaries - you know, the ones where people just complain about what generally amounts to problems that they have created, or beg for attention by posting what I am doing every 2-3 minutes, or dozens of other online pet pevees that I had never even thought of prior to joining Facebook, Twitter, etc.

I am going to try my best to have fun writing this, and I hope that someone out there enjoys reading it!

View from the deck in the morning...